Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
