It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
