so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
