it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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