Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
