sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize