so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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