He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
