I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Come share oat with me in your robe
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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