I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
