I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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