So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Redeem this text for a blowjob
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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