it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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