I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
