Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
