There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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