"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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