It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
