I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
