Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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