i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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