i think i have herpe
just one?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
