I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
