I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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