I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
