We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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