Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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