I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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