we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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