your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
