just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
