my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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