Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
