the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We left the knife in your bed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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