there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
