Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I supernannyed him into submission
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
