How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Bring me that man meat
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
