Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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