Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
