You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
