i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
