I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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