You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
