I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it's like iHOP with fire
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
