Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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