The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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