i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
