I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
