4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
