Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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