Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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