I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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