So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
