If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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