She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
