Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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