pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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