Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
