I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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