Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
