Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
