Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
