And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
