I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
