I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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