and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
