Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
