Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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