dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So much rum. So many feels.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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