so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
